my doodling isn't working. i tried doing my arts and crafts, but it's not helping. the lexapro is out of my system by now and the effexor has started to run my brain. the boyfriend is ignoring me. at this point in time, life is really--for lack of better words--sucking. i suppose i must have fucked this relationship up just like all the ones prior.

either it's because i called him up drunkenly or because of a photo i posted... i apologized about the photo; i honestly didn't think it would have made him upset. the drunkenness, i told him that i was drunk and that i'm rambling... i don't know. maybe he just doesn't like me anymore.

i love this fellow. more than anyone, ever. it was an instant reaction when he walked through my door for the first time. as cheesy as it may sound, it was love at first sight. i've had that feeling before, yet this time it was heavy, strong, deeper than i thought was possible.

i've sent him messages on myspace. he's read them, but doesn't reply. i call him, yet he won't answer. for the first two days of this i believed that he was just busy. but seeing as this is the end of day four of no response, i'm guessing he's giving me the silent-treatment.

maybe my emotions are too hard for him to deal with. i have been depressed lately due to the switch in anti-depressants. maybe i'm too moody. i know i'm moody. blah. maybe it's because i bought bacardi 151. i don't know.

i want to be with this boy badly. i still barely know him... only a bit over a month. i love him. i'd do anything to be with him. even move to alaska (though i'd probably complain a bit).

blah. i feel crummy. i best be off to sleep.... another 8 hour shift for home depot is coming up in 13 hours. yay. the end